Birthday Regrets

Exactly a week ago I turned 18.  My mom had planned a surprise in the city for me and my best friend.  We were going to go to lunch at a cute, little tea parlor and see the Blue Man Group in the afternoon.  I don’t know why, but I didn’t want to go.  I found out the day before what the plans were and was so adamant about not going into the city, that I feel that I missed out on what could have been a fun day full of special birthday memories.

I told my mom I didn’t want to go (I know, what a horrible, awful, wretched daughter tells her mother that she doesn’t want a birthday surprise) and immediately regretted it.  But, I couldn’t take back my decision.  In the end, my parents went into the city on my birthday to use the tickets and left me at home with my friend and boyfriend.  Although we had a nice time, I still feel that I missed out on something special.  I wished I could’ve spent my birthday with my mom.  I wished I hadn’t hurt her feelings with rejecting what was essentially a very expensive birthday gift.  I wished I could have been more rational in my decision making.

As I write this, a fresh wave of guilt is washing over me and I can’t shake it off.  It’s been a week and I still can’t get rid of this feeling.  I’m only turning 18 once.  It was my last birthday at home.  Ever.  I might be making a mountain out of a molehill and should just get over it, but for right now I can’t.

There was more to this story, but this is all you need to know to get the picture of how I’m feeling right now.  I was going to post another generic update about my ride on Angel last week, how there is only a week left until Thanksgiving break, and how I find out about college in one month, but instead I decided to share some deeper feelings.

The best mom ever.  (can you guess we were at a show!)

The best mom ever. (can you guess that we were at a show!)

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “Birthday Regrets

  1. Live and learn… you’re young, these things happen. (I sound really old writing this). I don’t think it really hit me until I was about 23 that I had the best family and I was so lucky and I didn’t want to leave home. Up to then, I was so adamant about getting out. I lived in dorms for my first to years of college and then had to go back home for the rest of school, and I thought it was the worst thing ever. Then I realized how quick life goes and how before you know it you’re on your own and your parents are old or sick or dead. I know, depressing. The point is… it’s definitely important to appreciate family but don’t stress too much, there will be more opportunities. I’m sorry you’re having some regrets but I hope you had a nice birthday otherwise!

  2. Val

    Thanks so much for the comment. Sometimes in the moment it’s hard to get past these things so it’s helpful to hear someone else’s perspective on the situation. 🙂

  3. Everything will be ok… Now you fe guilty but in a year this will be a tiny blip on your radar. Maybe you can do something fun with your mom this upcoming weekend

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