It’s about 3:30 am. I had coffee at around 6 pm to give me a little boost so I could stay awake to study for exams….but fast forward 9 hours and I can’t sleep.
I’m so over high school right now, it’s ridiculous. It might be the middle of the night brain speaking, but it’s also partially for real I think. I used to be genuinely interested in the classes I was taking which would therefore make me more likely to study for them and enjoy the learning. Now, during senior year, I’m so over Latin. I enjoyed it in the beginning 6 years ago…but now it’s just 55 minutes of stress a day. One thing I hate is when something you used to enjoy gets ruined. That happened to Latin.
Next, is math. I’ve never been a math person (except for 4th grade) and at this point it’s another stress in my life that makes me feel stupid every single day.
Classes that don’t make me feel stupid. Forensics. It’s new and interesting to me and because it’s only a semester elective I haven’t lost interest. Physics. It’s the non AP physics so I feel on top of my game in it. It’s cool to think that physics is literally everything and everything is physics… (?) What!?!?
English. Not a fan of Shakespeare and yet I still loved my Shakespeare class this semester. It was Shakespeare and Moral Ideas so I also got an almost daily dose of philosophy/morality/life musings.
I’m not really sure what the point of all this is besides the fact that I’m ready for college. I want to have a schedule that isn’t crammed with classes and overrun by I don’t know what. I want to pick my classes and choose what I do each minute of every day. I want to balance things and get that responsibility but in a sensible way. None of this crazed high school stuff. I’ve been with the same people for 6 years at my school. I’m sick of it all, I’m sad that a school that was once sort of amazing is not so amazing anymore (I’ll definitely rethink this in the future, but for right now…).
I think it might be the fact that it is now almost 4 am, but I’m feeling very isolated, sort of confused, sort of not, and I don’t know what else. I wish I could go for a walk right now, or at least sit outside, but, alas, it’s 30 degrees and pitch black out…hmmm
I’m so sure that going to the barn during one of these moods would at least temporarily distract me from school/life.